2004 Audi A6

Sedan

2.7L 2671CC V6 GAS DOHC Turbocharged

Automatic

WAUCD64B74N094626

Clear

GAS

OK, let me start off by saying this Audi A6 is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Audi would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly. It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Bed Bath and Beyond. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. It is BEAUTIFUL, but has a few blemishes. So if you can’t handle being seen behind the wheel of this biblical, fire breathing, dragon slaying hero because it has a few purple hearts, move on. This sedan was engineered by 3rd degree ninja pirate super-warriors in the highest mountains of Germany to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), Bluetooth (a real man doesn’t let anything blue on his tooth), or On Star (real men don’t even know what On Star is). No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops and a 5 speed automatic transmission so you know grandma wont be taking off with it when your not looking. It’s saved my bacon more than once. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It doesn't even have a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit would really need in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself. I am starting this auction at $200 with NO RESERVE. If you want to end this auction early, my price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $5500. But I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $500 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore. There’s only 143,205 mile's on this all-wheel drive hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then buy this car. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my lady, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash. It passed its last dealership safety inspection with flying colors but is being sold as-is.